Comedy & Comedy Writing

Ray Pasquin has appeared with and written for some of the biggest names in comedy, including, Jerry Seinfeld, Jay Leno, Bob Hope, Paul Reiser, Rodney Dangerfield, Robin Williams and the legendary Benny Hill!

 

Ray has performed in virtually every major city around the USA and Canada, and in the top hotels, comedy clubs, and showrooms. He has also opened for many celebrities in both New York and Vegas.

 

His comedy writing is also highly sought after from TV programmers, politicians, sports speakers, the major networks and late night talk shows, and several top name comedians.

 

 

Sample of Jokes Written and Sold By Ray Pasquin

*(Date joke was sold or performed)

 

Barack Obama is doing so poorly in office that just last week several government spokesmen from Kenya said – “He’s definitely American!”       *1/15

 

In a very insulting remark, Donald Trump said that Obama knows less about ‘job creating’ than Obama’s dog, Bo. That’s not fair! There’s a huge difference between Barack Obama and his dog, Bo. – Bo has papers.     *5/16

 

President Trump said he was OK with Obama releasing that army deserter, Bowe Bergdahl, as well as Obama’s releasing those 5 exchange terrorists from Gitmo. - When asked if releasing is OK with him, Trump said – “Yes. As long as we’re not talking about my tax returns!”     *12/16

 

Donald Trump was actually doing better than expected in that first debate with Hilary. But then, during the final questioning, the moderator mentioned George Washington and Abraham Lincoln to Donald, and Trump couldn’t place the names!    *8/16

 

At least Trump was being truthful when he claimed that he’d shrewdly maneuvered the Clintons and got a coveted ‘invite’ to attend Chelsea Clinton’s wedding. - Trump said that everything went well with the wedding and reception. That is, until Monica Lewinsky jumped out of the heavily butter-creamed wedding cake and got her dress stained again!     *9/15

 

Trump said Hilary looked great in that long, flowing pants suit.     *9/15

 

The CIA is reporting that they now have definitive proof that Osama bin Laden was hiding out for years in a dark, deserted locale; one where no one’s ever been. - I guess that means bin Laden was hiding in the NY Jets end zone!

*4/14

 

The feuding Donald Trump and John McCain are at it again. – Trump boasted he’s so fashionable that he has his own line of clothing at Macy’s. - McCain fired back by claiming that “he too has a line of clothing in the stores.” . . I guess it’s called, ‘Really Old Navy!’       *12/16

 

Disgraced comic, Bill Cosby, complained to his doctor that, ‘every time he has sexual relations his eyes burn.’ The doctor looked at his eyes and said, “That’s mace, Bill!”      *9/15

 

Pfizer, the company that makes Viagra, was planning to take a rival drug company to court for stealing Viagra’s sex-enhancing formula. - In a very poor choice of words, Pfizer dropped the case. They said, “It wouldn’t stand up in court.”         *5/09

 

President George W. Bush was told that John McCain won the Bronze Star for his actions in Viet Nam. - Bush replied, “Oh, so he came in third?”       *7/08

 

Former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer was charged with ‘transporting hookers by train in a timely fashion between New York and Washington’. – Charged? - The guy should be given a medal. He’s the only person to get anyone, anywhere on time traveling Amtrak!      *3/29/08

 

Rosie O’Donnell says she’s more popular than ever after leaving The View. - She claims she’s so famous now that they’re even thinking of making a postage stamp out of her. Trouble is - nobody would lick it!        *2/12

 

To show there’s absolutely no residual hard feelings, Hilary Clinton gave FBI Director, James Comey, what’s rumored to be a very pricey gift certificate to Nordstrom’s. - When asked if he would divulge how much the certificate was actually for, Comey replied, “I haven’t seen it yet. She e-mailed it to me.”        *2/17

 

I don’t believe any of those stories about Russia winning the election for Donald Trump. But I am wondering why Vladimir Putin has a lifetime membership at Mar-a-Lago!            *3/17

 

 

Ray Pasquin’s . . . Other Writing Credits

 

My Heavens ©Rwp.’15

A ‘heavenly’ situation comedy about a rabbi, minister, and priest living together under one roof in order to prove to the community that brotherhood still exists. (Sort of an ‘ecumenical odd couple’!) – Initially sold to NBC, rights now under negotiation with Doran Productions.

 

Mayhem Motors ©Pasquin ’13

A television sit-com treatment centering on the crazy world of auto dealerships.

 

It's About Time ©Rwp ’14

An imaginative comedy concept for the Broadway stage.

(Presently under option and currently being reworked with two VIP production associates).

 

 

 

 

 

"Hockey Heroes" featuring Bud & Lou

Award winning comedy sketch featured at the NHL's All Star Game.

Written & Produced by Ray Pasquin

Click on the pictures below for large view.

Parade Magazine

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